These are fine, I didn't have to wait at all.
Are you going to get dressed today?
I think today is more of a bunny day,
Yeah,
I have to say something. I have to say something.
I just have to be, just for real. I love you guys.
Aw! I love you guys,
This is a fucking great department, all of you guys.
You guys are the best co-workers,
Except Ming, I don't know, I just don't think you respect me.
I don't think that you've ever respected me,
And I'm just not feeling it, and I had to be honest.
- But to everyone else, to us! - Yeah!
Whoo!
To everyone except Ming,
- Except for Ming. - Sorry, Ming,
Oh, wow.
I want to give a toast. I love all of you so much.
You're my best friends. The best friends anybody could ever ask for.
Except for you, Vaneetha. I don't like you.
I don't like you, You're a bitch.
But I love all of you so much!
I love all of you,
- You're the best! - All right.
Except for Vaneetha, you're the best!
Calm down, Ming.
She's a bitch,
Listen, what I want to know is,
why are professors in movies always writing stuff,
equations and stuff, on windows?
I don't know, I don't get it.
I don't get it, either, I don't understand it.
I don't get the fact that my fiance behaves like a freak
These are not things that I know,
I mean, surely, you know, in a university
you wouldn't be far from a pen and paper,
or a computer, or an overhead projector...
I feel like you're not listening to me,
I feel like you're not listening.
I'm trying to offload and tell you my issues with Tom.
Oh, shut up, will you'? Put a sock in it.
Why? I'm coming to you as a friend,
You're wallowing. No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. I'm not wallowing,
You are wallowing,
What do you know? You don't know anything about relationships.
Well, all right, I'll take that.
When I'm in a relationship,
I'm a complete and utter control freak.
Are you really'? Are you really, though? But that's not what.“
It doesn't matter. I'm surprised,
What we're talking about now is your wallowing.
I'm not wallowing,
I was just trying to tell you that
I needed something different tonight,
and that's it.
Okay, here it comes.
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Okay, shut up, shut up, shut up. This is amazing.
Mmm!
No! No, no, no.
What were we thinking? I mean, I was wrong, obviously. Totally.
I'm with Tom. Yeah.
I'm taken, I know.
I'm with Tom. I apologize.
I'm going to go find Tom. I know that.
It was a friend kissing a friend. This was bad,
I kissed you and you kissed
your boss,
Who are you texting?
I'm texting myself,
Yourself?
I am very drunk and I will not remember this,
Hey, Tom!
Hey!
Hey, babe. Hey.
I've been looking for you,
You're drunk, sweetie.
No, I'm not.
And you didn't come home last night.
I know, because I've been thinking about stuff, and I just...
What have you been thinking?
I love you, and you love me,
And I just think that, why on Earth
would we put it off any longer?
Because... I'll tell you why we put it off,
Because we both decided we had too many problems
and we were going to put the wedding off until things got better.
Which was dumb as balls, That was so dumb, Tom.
And I have been dumb, saying that.
Please, I just want to marry you, Tom.
Please?
Are you serious? Yeah.
I'm so serious, I don't know what we've been doing,
I have no idea why we've been putting it off and waiting
and shifting and this and that,
and dicking around. It's like,..
I just love you so much, Madly.
So badly, Tom. I just want ton.
I just want to get married,
TARQUINI Yeah, that's super sanitary.
You're making boner impressions in the dough.
Are you going to puke?
Oh, shit.
Did you just fucking eat it?
Baby, did you eat it?
Ugh,
That's disgusting,
Sorry.
I'm cool.
Sorry, Tarquin.
You know, that would have been way less gross if you'd just puked everywhere,
All we have available that weekend is our accordionist.
I love accordion. Great. Me, too.
The Chos never made it to the altar, so you can have this one for cheap.
Awesome. Great,
And if you don't have a venue, my brother Randy has a barbeque joint,
It's pretty killer,
Oh, sweet. Perfect.
What does that say'?
Yeah, it says, "I don't read Korean)'
All right, I was just asking,
I'm just telling you,
I-46.
What do you think?
I think I love it.
Should we just book this place for the rehearsal dinner as well?
Yes, Great,
Done. Done.
Sounds great to me.
Hi. Hello,
Hello.
We were wondering, do you do weddings?
You both Jewish?
Yeah,
Mmm!
I'm so excited for tomorrow night.
Yeah. Our rehearsal dinner.
I can't believe it. It's finally here.
What's going on'?
Nothing. Nada.
Something. What's up?
Winlon kissed me,
What? It meant nothing.
When'?
It was a few weeks ago.
He was drunk and he didn't mean what he was doing, Tom.
It was a stupid mistake.
He was drunk,
He's not coming tomorrow night.
No, he's not. I will tell him that,
This will never, ever happen again,
I promise,
I really wish you hadn't told me that.
I'm sorry.
Is this going to happen'?
Yes.
It's going to happen.
Because it's fine if it's not.
Yeah, it's going to happen.
It's about to happen.
Did you just fake orgasm?
No. He kissed me, Tom!
Okay, you know what'? That is a cop out.
That is not fair,
Yes, he may have been the one who kissed you,
but there is a reason that he felt like that was an option,
You know that's the truth.
I'm going to go sleep on the couch,
Tom.
Tom, come on.
Okay, no, you want to know something? For the record,
I did fake that orgasm.
And I bet you probably couldn't even tell. That's right.
Men can do it, too, Hurts, doesn't it?
I'm going to sleep out front.
Don't,
You're not the boss of me,
I'm really proud of you guys.
I'm really glad you're finally doing it. Yes. You're doing it.
We're finally here, we made it.
Hey, hey, don't cancel,
No, please don't cancel.
Tom. You know.
You've got 24 hours left, You've got just 24 hours to get through,
And you could be as happy as we are,
Yeah. We're so happy.
I love you. I love you,
You drive me fucking crazy.
Oh, God! Oh, fuck.
I don't care who's watching, I got a huge boner.
Hey, everyone.
Tom, you're so lucky,
because Violet is like a princess.
You know when you're a little kid
and you see Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or whatever,
and you're like, "I want to fuck that"
You gel to.
I think that came out wrong,
In my head, it...
It sounded sweeter in my head. Does that make.”
I'm an alcoholic,
I just wanted to say that I've only known
Violet and Tom for a short while,
but their union is areal mitzvah,
And it is my great hope that they raise
their children in the Jewish faith,
so that they, too, may continue our Zionist struggle against the Arab.
We must continue our fight against their murderous ways!
Do not give up the settlements!
Next year in Jerusalem!
That's enough for the toasts.
Let's just start the dancing. Let's get dancing.
Psst! Hey, Tom.
What are you doing here?
Tom, I...
I've come to apologize.
My behavior was totally uncalled for,
Honestly, it was abhorrent.
But we are going to be here for a long time
and I just don't want this thing hanging between us.
You should run,
Hey, Vi,
"Vi"?
What's going on'?
Well, now I have to beat the shit out of Winton.
Ready'? No.
Here it comes. Okay,
Tom, don't. Tom, Tom, Tom! Here we go,
Do not beat up Winton!
Tom!
WINTONI Stop this, Tom!
This is ridiculous!
You better keep running.
I'm going to kick your ass!
I said I'm sorry!
You will never get away from me, I'm a hunter.
Can't we at least stop and have a rest?
I never rest!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Tom!
I'm sorry, are you okay?
Why?
Fuck,
Tom? Tom.
Tom. Come on,
Hey, hey, hey!
Let me help you. Come on.
Okay! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me,
Tom, I'm sorry, that was instinct. Listen, are you okay?
Breathe, just breathe, breathe in.
It will go away. Okay?
I'm sorry, Tom.
I really am. Yeah?
How could you do this to me?
I haven'! done anything to you,
Violet did something to you, not me.
If a woman wants to kiss me, I'm going to fucking kiss her.
Underneath all that polite bullshit,
we're all running on caveman software.
If she's got a husband or a fiancé or a boyfriend,
it's on her conscience, not mine.
You should run,
Look, Tom. this is ridiculous. Let's just put a stop to this now.
Please. Come on, I'm sorry.
I really am,
Winton, if you feel bad about what you did, then you'll run from me,
Well, okay, I'll keep running.
I'm off. Sorry.
Okay, I gave you a head start
You better run,
Oh, tricky.
You gotta be kidding me,
Ah!
Tom!
Ah!
Tom?
Margaret.
HEY- He?
Guys, this is Tom.
We work together.
You wan! to go get some food?
I got the keys to Zingerman's,
Come in. Shh!
Oh, my God, I'm going to hit the City Goat wicked hard.
I would eat that.
I'm so hungry.
What have you got? The potato salad?
I'm drunk, dude.
Yeah, me, too.
Look. Oh, man, holy shit,
Oh!
Tell me you haven'! fantasized about that.
Actually, I haven't.
Mmm! That's really good.
You taste the fennel pollen?
There's Marrakech pepper in there, too,
And smoked paprika.
No, wait, now me. Do me.
What are you doing?
Come on.
This is weird,
Right? Yeah.
Wait, you got a little.”
You got a little bit right there.
I think it's everywhere. Wait,
Just a little.
I think you're cute,
This is really silly.
You're going to... Well, don't take my...
I don't want to be... Whoa!
Wait, Wait.
No, hold on. We should wait about that.
Hang on, look.
Stop and think about this before... Oh, fuck me!
Sriracha!
No, no, no! It's hot pepper,
Oh, my God! Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Oh, shit! Here. Come here, cheese helps.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Okay.
I don't.”
Here, just do it.
I have an idea. I have an idea. What'?
You ready'? What are you doing?
Excuse me, sir. Could you please pass the Grey Poupon?
I totally just thought of that.
Well, I mean, I thought of it, like the other night.
I have to go to the bathroom,
Are you okay?
Oh, no.
Violet. I didn't mean to do that.
Violet,
I'm sorry. I didn't want to do that.
You fucking idiot.
The cold makes you have a baby dick.
Oh, God, what's happening'? Where am I?
Sir, sir, can you help me'? I'm frozen.
Oh, God, what's happening'?
My toe! God, my toe!
Hi.
I did something really bad last night.
Yeah,
Tarquin brought your pants back to the hospital, so I kind of
put two and two together, you know,
I'm sorry I keep smiling.
I know what's happening is so bad,
but I'm on all of this Percocet,
I'm not happy,
I know that.
Neither am I.
I'm just not the man that I want to be right now,
I don'! think I can be the husband
that you need me to be right now.
I think I've made you very, very unhappy here,
You know, and I don't know how to make it right anymore,
Almost perfect for each other.
Sol"?
Bye,
This smells incredible.
Hey. Thank you,
You're like the king of the kitchen. Oh,
Dinner is sewed.
Thank you,
Cheers. Cheers.
Happy Thanksgiving, darling.
Oh, thank you.
This is so exciting, being together.
Every summer, we'll have eight weeks off,
which we can spend in my lodge in Nova Scotia,
where we can work on our papers,
And then, every seven years we'll have a sabbatical,
which we can enjoy in Wales on my family's farm.
That's a lot of planning,
I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sorry.
Bon appétit.
Thank you,
All right, dig in,
I am ravenous.
Oh, man.
Baby, that meal was amazing,
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
What do you want to do now?
I don't know, ifs Thanksgiving and I'm stuffed.
I thought maybe we could just hang out here
and have a kind of mellow evening.
Yeah, I love a mellow evening.
Yeah!
Go faster, faster! Come on!
I'm trying. No!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't like that.
I could just do this forever. Yeah.
I just need a break, Okay,
I need a break. Okay,
Go fucking faster, Tom!
Tom, be more Indian than that.
Let's paint. Let's paint.
What'?
Let's paint. Let's paint. Let's paint.
I don't understand... We're making art together.
But why do we need goggles?
This is a new level of our relationship,
This feels dumb,
We've reached a plateau.
This feels dumb,
We have unfinished business. Is this about revenge?
I'm so bored,
I love you.
I love you,
I love you, too, Audrey.
I love you,
Please stop doing that to my face.
Why? I just want to see your eyes, they're so pretty.
Tom, that was really aggressive,
I'm sorry.
Apology accepted, I forgive you.
Okay.
Babe, really, honestly...
It's, like, raw down there at this point. I gotta sleep.
Faster!
Tommy, go faster! Fuck,
Oh, my God, Tom!
Hey, Violet, happy birthday. Just thinking of you.
Looks like the Michigan psych department has been busy,
I found this on the Internet.
Not sure if you're aware of it.
Anyways, hope all is well. Love, Tom'
You just go to sleep,
and then upon completion of the experiment, you will receive $35 check.
The subject is asleep.
Time for the experiment. Let's see what happens.
Pour blood all over his body.
Cover his body in feathers.
It's time to put a gun in his hand.
Oh, my God!
Now, the final step.
I'm going to yell, "Wake up! " inside of his ear.
Let's see what happens.
Wake up!
Oh, my God!
You motherfucker!
No, no, help! No, please!
What the luck? You motherfucker!
How we doing over here?
Nice work, Jay.
Let me take over for a little bit,
I want to hang out with these nice people.
Tommy boy!
Yo, what's up, buddy'?
Hear my Maserati broke down'?
- No, really? - Yeah.
You think I could get a tow?
All right, Alex, I have no toe, okay?
We get it. Thank you,
No toe.
He has terrible balance.
Yo, phone call, is that cool?
Totally.
Toe-tally,
Violet. Hi.
Hey, happy birthday.
Thank you,
Wow, it's nice to hear from you,
Yeah, you, too.
It's been a long time, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a long time,
Yeah.
Is everything good?
Everything's good. Yeah, yeah.
How's.,. How's you?
How's Winton?
He's good.
How's Audrey?
She's, you know, it's the same old Audrey.
Same "old" Audrey.
Oh. Right.
Because she's a baby.
She is a child,
How about Winton?
Is it fun to have sex with a 100-year-old man? Ha-ha!
Oh, don't do that.
I got it. You're right.
Hey, I have a fun birthday game,
Okay. Feel like playing a game?
Yeah. Depends, Okay.
Like, what was the actual moment
when you knew that things were over?
Let's not do that.
I mean, I knowl left a loaded crossbow on the kitchen table.
Yeah, you did do that.
I hooked up with a co-worker...
And then you ate the old donut,
What did you say about a donut?
I didn't, I just said.”
ll doesn't matter.
What'?
I think it's going to sound really stupid when I say it out loud. Okay. Um...
You know that experiment that I initiated,
which was based on the fact that
people who ate old donuts had emotional deficiencies
and problems with commitment?
And, you know, the results were very accurate with it.
And so when I saw you,
um, really going to town on a plate of old donuts, it...
ll freaked me out,
Tom?
Hello?
I think that that is,
like, the dumbest thing that I have ever heard.
You know what? I never said anything,
but your entire premise is bullshit.
Okay? And would you like to know why?
Because these imaginary new donuts that you offer people,
they may never arrive,
Okay, they're not real.
And me, personally,
I am not the type of person who wants to sit around
and wait for something that might never arrive
when they know that the thing they have in front of them is.”
It's tasty!
It's good, okay? And you know what?
It's not about the age of the donut, it's about the ﬂavor' Boom.
And you know the other thing? The new donuts,
they're going to get stale someday, too.
And this is exactly
what I did not want to happen when I sent that email.
I think I should just go.
Yeah, no. Yeah, you should go.
You're clearly very upset and.”
I don't even know what I said.
Everything just turned red,
It's so hot back here.
It's why people are always fighting in the Middle East.
It's just, you get so hot
Tom,
I'm going to go, okay?
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Okay.
Bye,
Good bye.
Is somebody crying?
Sol"?
Dude, what's up'?
I don't know what I'm doing, dude.
I just got off the phone with Violet. And I just feel fucking“,
I don't know,
I don't know how I ended up here.
Can I be honest with you?
You shouldn't be here working in my restaurant, man,
You should be running your own restaurant.
You're a better chef than me, you always have been.
Everybody here knows it.
Tom, you're fired.
I'm firing you,
Pack your knives and go.
That's Top Chef.
Yeah, that's Top Chef. Yeah.
Seeing you chop onions is depressing,
It's like watching Michael Jordan take a shit,
He could probably get it in the toilet from, like, 30 feel away,
Three-pointer from the living room,
Nothing but porcelain,
POOSI"I
Poosh. Poosh.
I think about 13 miles to the gallon, city, 15, highway.
There's a bit of blood spatter in the back,
I think it's haunted,
Great crash rating, though.
So, what are you going to be using it for?
Food service,
Oh, buddy.
All right, we're going to need two more venison.
Sorry for the holdup, everybody.
How's my taco coming? We good?
Let's get it.
Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow? All rig ht'
I just want you to know, I've had tacos in Oahu.
I've had tacos in Baja,
I've had tacos in Port-au-Prince,
I've had tacos in Buenos Aires.
I've even had tacos in Guatemala,
These are the best motherfucking tacos I have ever had.
You're a white guy. You make tacos like a Mexican.
Thanks.
Give me a hug.
Oh, really?
Give me a hug, now!
All right,
Mmm! You smell like a taco,
Okay, can we get those tacos ready?
As you know, we have a sufficiency of qualified candidates
for a position in your department,
but you got it. Congratulations.
You're being promoted to assistant professor, tenure track. Congratulations.
Holy shit!
Sorry, that was really inappropriate, it's just...
Shoot, I am so thrilled. Thank you.
Congratulations. Professor Walch.
Bravo, bravo. Thank you, Professor.
Fudge,
Wonderful.
Doug?
Hey.
Heard your news, Congratulations.
Thanks. Yeah.
Where are you going?
Uh... On my way to University of North Dakota.
Oh! Well, that's good.
Yeah. No, no, ifs great, I'm excited.
I'm going to be a pioneer.
I'm going to be the first black guy to freeze to death,
It's going to be cool. Yeah, I'm pumped up about it.
Cool. Yeah.
It's just like that song. I get knocked down,
except I get up again in North Dakota,
which is the worst place on Earth.
I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm overreacting. It's going to be great,
And I couldn't keep up with you and Winton. I couldn't compete, so...
What do you mean by that'?
I mean, come on, you know what I mean,
I don't,
You know what I mean,
Yeah, well, it's not really like that.
Uh... No, it's a fact.
Yeah, well, that's not why I got the...
Ah. A little bit.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey. Here she is.
So. Congratulations.
Thank you.
She got the job? Motherfucker! Shh!
It's very exciting,
How long do you think I have to decide,
you know, whether to take it or not?
Sorry, I don't understand the question,
Oh, the position.
I'm just wondering how long I've got to decide
on whether I should take it.
Well, you have to take it. You've got no choice.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah,
Did I get the job because I deserved it
or did I gel it because you're trying to keep me here?
You got it because you deserved it.
Okay. So, I was the strongest candidate,
Of course you were.
Okay, we should not be watching this,
You're right, we shouldn't,
I mean, these things are inherently subjective,
but I certainly feel that we made the right choice, yes,
I think I just need you to say "yes" or "no
as to whether I was the strongest candidate,
Well, why does it matter so much?
Because it matters to me. You know, I want to deserve to be here.
Was I the best?
Who's to say who's the best or the worst?
I'm better than she is.
No, you're not, It goes Violet, me, you, then Doug,
What do these labels even mean?
Look, just answer me Did I deserve the job
or did I get it because you're trying to keep me here?
It's very simple, Winton.
Violet, why don't you trust me'?
If you make me answer that question,
you're violating our unspoken agreement of faith,
What does that mean? What are you talking about?
Well, the question itself is an accusation.
And I, personally, refuse to answer an illogical question,
Thanks, Spock.
Spock.
That's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one.
I mean, it seems that your refusal to answer means that ifs true.
I'll tell you who's the best.
Ming
Yes! I knew it.
I'm the best, I'm the best.
What the fuck?
Ming is the best.
So, you cheated to get me the job.
So what if I cheated to get the woman I love to stick around?
I have a question,
Would you have even considered my donut experiment
if Doug had suggested it'?
Of course not,
Wow!
Wow, Okay.
In a way, Ming, it's like their whole relationship
was the donut experiment.
Nice. Thank you,
Fine, fine, fine.
There will be new students next year,
There's always a new Violet,
Oh, no! Oh!
He did not.
Um.“ Oh.
This was”. Yeah.
Oh, my God!
Turn off the light. Turn off the light, turn of! the light.
Violet,
These pancakes are delicious. Mmm.
They put a cinnamon glaze. They're dreamy.
You shouldn't be eating them,
It's good.
It's why we're here. We're hereto eat, right?
So, um,
how about Violet? How is she doing?
I don't know. You know'?
She still with that professor guy?
I don't know,
What are you doing?
What are you doing, Tom'?
I'm just... I'm trying to eat my breakfast, Ma
I mean with Violet, and you know it. Three grandparents are gone.
Your grandparents, long gone. You know who goes next, don't you?
Us, We go next. Jesus, Dad.
Please don't do this, guys,
He's not kidding. Not kidding.
He's on three different heart medications.
That's right. Three of them, Mm m-hmm.
What are you talking about? Since when?
Since my last heart attack.
Dad, you had a heart attack?
I had two, actually,
The last one was right after Mom's cancer scare.
A cancer scare? What are you...
Why didn't you guys tell me any of this?
Well, we didn't want to bother you.
No. It wasn't your affair,
Well, is there anything else you guys haven't told me'?
Well, what else have we...
There's a lot we haven't told you, darling. We don'! share everything.
Your mother was.”
She was briefly hospitalized for emotional issues.
Well, yes, that's true,
Yeah,
We told you we were in a timeshare on Sanibel Island,
Wait, you guys have gone there, like, four times.
Well, at least one of the times, we weren't really there.
I had vaginal reconstruction surgery last year.
That stuff really works.
And that's why we don'! share everything with our children,
I think I understand why I have communication issues.
Thank you, Ma.
Maybe you should slow down on the Bloody Marys,
I don't think you need any more,
Oh. Let her have it.
You're going to tell me what to do? No.
Let her have a drink.
I am going to ask you again. What are you doing with Violet?
You're being dumb,
You are being so fucking dumb, you idiot.
You love Violet, I love Violet,
your father loves Violet and you're letting her go?
Fuck you, you dummy,
Wow.
Since when do you talk like this?
It's not funny, Tom.
Okay, fine.
What are you doing?
Look, we're not 100% right for each other.
And so, there's nothing to be said.
I got news for you, moron,
your father and I, we're not even 90% right for each other.
Not even 60, okay? But he's the love of my life,
And right now, the love of your life is going to fly away
and I bet somewhere in the back of your mind, you're thinking
that she'll always be there if you want to try again,
but you know what? She won't, because she's the goddamned best!
And some lucky guy is going to make it work with her no matter what,
Instead of settling for some 23-year-old airhead
who probably doesn't know who the fucking Beatles are,
Had to be said.
Hi, I missed you today,
That's nice.
Listen, I need to
talk to you about something, Audrey.
What's behind those eyes, Tom?
My ex-fiancée has been on my mind a lot
and I feel like that's something I need to explore.
Well, she's an old bitch! There.
I just explored it for you Done?
It's hard to have this conversation with you,
You need to explore it, Tom'?
You were with her for five fucking years. That's a really long time,
What else is there to learn about her?
Oh, God!
I don't really know the answer to that,
but I just think I need to find out,
What are you thinking? You're so stupid.
You're going to leave me?
You're going to leave this?
For saggy tits and a loose vagina? Really?
Oh, God!
I'm sorry to do this to you,
Shut the fuck up.
You know what? You should just go, Tom.
Just go. Go have fun. Have fun with your old woman,
Go fucking read at night together.
You can go through menopause together.
And you can go get your little prostates checked,
Check each other for lumps all the time
and do those kinds of things together.
And then go get some Crocs so your back doesn't hurt.
And then you can go walk on the beach
and fuck each other with your gross, wrinkly balls,
That's another thing. You're getting fucking fat,
It's really hard to have sex with someone
when you can't breathe underneath them,
Can't breathe! Like, I feel like I'm going to die every time
You should leave. I'm going to say mean things,
Bye.
He makes me lie down in green pastures
and leads me beside still waters.
He shall refresh my soul and guide me in the path of righteousness...
You're my good one.
I am so mad, Alex, when you say that.
At least I'm not the one failing as a parent.
It's all right, It's all right,
Give him a couple Vicodin.
Wow. Hi, Hi.
Hello, Hello, Gideon.
Didn't expect to see you.
Just came to say goodbye properly,
To my grandmother or...
Yeah. We actually grew pretty close towards the end.
Oh, yeah?
So, how are you and Tom'? Any kids yet'?
Mmm...
No. Tom and I split up a little while ago, son.
Oh! I'm sorry.
It has been four years, of course.
Hmm'?
Nothing. I.., No, go on, What?
"Four years, of course" what? Doesn't make sense.
That's what you do.
Is it? Is it what I do? Well, let me just tell you something.
Tom and I split up because it wasn't working.
Not because we weren't perfect enough for each other.
No! because I had him on a four-year timeline.
Okay? So don't...
Um...
This is my daughter,
sol"?
She's four,
This is what four looks like.
Hello. What's your name?
Violet,
Regret calling her that now.
Keep meaning to changed it, but it's a lot of paperwork.
And I don't want to confuse her.
Come on, darling. Let's go and look at the coffin.
Tom.
Hi.
I'm just realizing now, it might be totally inappropriate
for me to just show up like this,
but Alex and Suzie told me what happened,
I'm so sorry about Grandma Katherine.
She was sort of the only person in your family who was ever nice to me,
And I just felt like I should come,
But if that's inappropriate, or weird at all,
I can totally go back to the hotel
or take a tour of the Tower of London, or something.
No, no, it's not, It's”.
It's really nice to see you.
It's nice to see you, too,
So, what do we do now?
Fall semester doesn't start until August 14th.
I know that this sounds crazy,
but why don'! you just come back to San Francisco with me?
You could see your sister and we could spend a couple of weeks together.
We don'! have to worry about what it means'
Then we'll go our separate ways,
Okay.
Just, separately, like, I think it's time to take down the Wham! posters,
Yeah?
Whoo!
Thank you,
I'm getting all pieces that are here,
Here, use these ones.
Oops! Ooh.“
- We lost a tower. - Oh, no, the tower.
That's it.
So, you know I'm keeping Tom company this week, right?
Yeah,
Alex keeps him company without also having sex with him.
I assume.
What does that mean?
Mommy, do Elmo voice.
Elmo thinks you should do what you fee! is right.
Well, I don't really know what I think is right. I think I'm just...
You know, time will tell, I think.
Elmo thinks time will tell'
Would you mind not doing that Elmo voice?
'Cause really, you're repealing back what I'm saying,
Honestly, Elmo thinks you should shit or get off the pot.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Aunt Violet, do Cookie Monster
Me think that's a really rude thing to say, Elmo.
Elmo say it been five years, almost five years,
You either love him, or you don't.
Me love him, but it's very complicated.
Cookie doesn't get everything handed to him
on a fucking silver platter like Elmo.
Cookie got the career he wanted,
Tom moved to Michigan so Cookie could work.
Okay. Elmo wanted to be a kinesiologist
and instead, Elmo is cleaning puke off her shirt every day,
Well, maybe as nice as these little Elmos are,
Elmo should have considered using protection.
"C" is for condom. That's good enough for me.
Elmo is very happy with Elmo's little Elmos, okay?
Elmo would just like a break once in a while.
Fine. Elmo never gets a break,
This is fine. But this is precisely why Cookie wants to take the time
to consider if he's picked the right cookie for his life,
Well, maybe Elmo thinks there is no right cookie.
You just pick one and take a bite.
Sorry.
Elmo is sorry, too.
Whose was better?
Mommy's better,
The worst choice you can make is no choice at all'
Okay? Snack time! Time for a snack.
Huh? It's time for a snack.
My favorite! Just kidding. I love you both.
Come get a snack.
What time is your flight?
Um... 1:35.
This is stupid. What are we doing?
What do you mean?
I drive a taco truck.
Okay? I can work anywhere, and it's just ridiculous.
It's stupid for us not to give this another shot,
Because I love you so much,
And I'm not going to let you go.
Do you remember the day that we first met?
The New Year's Eve party.
Yeah, how can I forget'?
Do you remember how a year later, we made that list
of what our marriage would be like?
We were going to have 50 kids,
If I recall, we settled on 25,
We did settle on 25.
That was so dumb,
Okay, I'm going to need you to pull off on this exit.
Why?
Just pull over on this exit over here,
No, we can just.“
Tom, you're going to miss it! Quick. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
What are you doing? Sorry. I'm sorry.
It was just imperative that we stopped at the exit. Well, why'?
Because I'm trying to propose to you.
I don'! think that we can figure out
all of our problems before we get married,
And I'm pretty sure we'll have some after.
But I promise you that I will just love you
every step of the way,
So, yes or no?
I was going to re-propose to you when we got to the airport.
You were? Tom.
Oh, Tom.
I love it.
It's a ruby.
What do you say'?
I asked you first.
You've made me, like, the happiest girl in the world.
Okay, I'm going to need you lo go off to Alamo Square now,
What are you talk...
I'm going to need you to go to Alamo Square please, babe.
What are you talking about?
Babe, please, just do it.
Don't think about it. Just drive.
Do you have, like, a thing planned?
Hey, what are you doing? Did you come to pick up the receipts?
Did you buy it'?
Yes, he bought it.
I can't believe this,
I told you he would,
What is going on?
Here. Come on! This way, babe.
We're on site, "On site"?
Okay, we have some fast decisions to make,
Do you want a string quartet, or a New Orleans brass band?
What about synthesizer dude'?
Oh, I have no idea who that is. He must have just shown up.
Oh. New Orleans brass band,
New Orleans brass band. All right!
Okay, do you want Jewish, Christian,
extreme Christian, Buddhist,
Justice of the Peace?
Justice of the Peace. Justice of the Peace.
Oh, my God!
Okay, tuxes, I've got three tuxes.
Standard, vintage, Hawaiian casual?
Uh... Vintage, Vintage.
Dad!
No time. No time,
All right now. Get them off,
Dad, protect me,
Whoa! Mum! Suzie
Mum, I think I need to step into it.
Come on, Sylvia.
All right. all right, I'm going to drop the sheet in three, two, one. Drop it.
No, no. Not me. Just wait until the wedding,
Right. Yes,
Oh, yeah. Okay, of course.
Okay. Oh, Mum, my hair.
Hair on the move. Hair on the move.
Spin around, Dad. Here's the ring.
Is it done, Mum?
Yes, it's beautiful.
Ready'? Yeah.
Ready? One, two, three. One, two, three.
There we go.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Okay. Okay.
I love you, darling, I love you, Mum.
Love you. Love you,
Bye, Dad,
Thank you,
You should get down there,
You must be out of your mind.
I'm never letting go of this hand again.
Come on.
It has been a longer trip for Tom and Violet
than it has for most couples.
And yet the very nature of...
You know what? You can just.“ Just, you can skip it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it's two minutes to mid night.
Got anyone to kiss at New Year's?
Is that the best you've got?
Kind Of.
Do you? Yes,
You may kiss the bride.
Yeah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, yay! Yay!
I'm proud of you!
Mom!
Whoo!
You finally did it, you fucking assholes!
I love you,
We love you guys, too,
In fact, it makes us feel like singing!